Are you swimming on your own or in a relay thingy?

Nope, just me. 

How far is it?

The shortest distance, between Shakespeare Beach in Dover and the Cap Gris Nez in... France is 21 Miles, about 36km. However almost all swimmers will cover a much greater distance due to the tides, which will drag me both down towards the Atlantic and up towards the North Sea before I have any chance of making landfall. See Map-of-Peril for further details.

How long will it take?

The World Record is 6 hours, 55 minutes. The slowest crossing on record is 28 hours or so. So somewhere in between those two figures, but let's be honest, closer to the second. Hence Slog.

Do you have a support boat or something?

Yes, I'm really lucky to have Michael Oram as my support boat pilot. The role of the pilot is crucial in negotiating the strong tides, choosing the shortest possible course, and avoiding me getting magimixed in the gargantuan propeller of an oil tanker in the world's busiest shipping lane.  Mike is one of the most experienced channel pilots and piloted Trent Grimsey when he set the current world record for a one-way crossing in 2012. Needless to say that particular experience will be absolutely useless as he tries to coax my fat ass across La Manche before I expire or before the world ends, whichever is the sooner.

Isn't that cheating, to have someone helping you?

Yes.

Do you wear a wetsuit?

No. The rules are a bit pesky that way. To count as an officially ratified crossing, the swimmer is limited to speedos, a pair of goggles and an ordinary swim cap. Nothing that makes you more floaty - that's a technical term - or warmer is allowed.

Do you look good in speedos?

Absolutely not.

What do you eat?

Mainly energy drinks made with hot water. A few energy gels. Maybe an occasional Cadbury's Mini-Roll* (*other delicious chocolatey snacks are available, but honestly why would you? NB If you work for Cadbury's and want to sponsor me in return for some glowing endorsements of the restorative properties of Mini-Rolls, please get in touch.)

How do you go to the loo?

This question is implicitly in two parts. The answer to the first part is fairly straightforward and obvious. You don't want the answer to part Number Two. Trust me on that.

I'm thinking of sponsoring you. How do I know you're not going to cheat?

Ok, well firstly, how dare you? But the answer is that my swim will be observed and officiated by an observer provided by the Channel Swimmers and Pilots Federation.

Ooh, I have another question...

Please tweet it to me (using the hashtag #slogthechannel) and I'll come back to you straight away. In return for a generous donation :-)